My Hair, My Story: Letting Go and Living Free

As an African-American woman, my hair journey mirrors the experiences of so many others. For most of us, it started with long, growing hair that our mothers or caretakers lovingly maintained. We may or may not have hated the straightening process, but at some point, someone suggested getting a relaxer or a perm.

In my case, I desperately wanted a perm and didn’t heed my mother’s warning about scratching my scalp before the treatment. I lied and told her I hadn’t scratched it, but I had, and when she applied the relaxer, I ended up with burns and sores on my scalp. My hair never fully recovered from that moment. It didn’t grow back the way it should have, and it became the first turning point in a lifelong struggle with my hair.

As I got older, my cousin offered to cut my hair, and I agreed, not realizing the impact it would have. She styled it into an asymmetrical cut when I was in sixth or seventh grade. I didn’t know how to style or maintain it, and my mom was upset. I often went to school with my hair looking messy, and it affected my self-esteem deeply.

By the 11th grade, I discovered micro braids, and they became my saving grace. I loved them and wore them for years, thanks to a talented braider. But eventually, I decided to take the braids out and experiment with my natural hair again. Unfortunately, I didn’t know what to do with it. I tried different colors, cuts, and styles, but I didn’t have a sense of identity outside of my hair. My choices were often based on pleasing others, and I found myself constantly changing my hair in a tug-of-war between what others wanted and what felt right for me.

That cycle continued until I went bald. Being bald was so freeing for me, but it was a problem for others. At times, the stares bothered me, but I also appreciated the freedom it gave me. Without hair, I didn’t have to deal with the burden of products, styling, or bad hair days. I could just get up and go.

Thanks to my friend Monique and my barber, the late Apostle Joey Brinson, I found a supportive environment where I could fully embrace being bald. Joey was incredible—he knew exactly how to cut my hair to suit my face, and he always encouraged me. He’d remind me how well a bald or low-cut style fit me, and his words gave me confidence. I’ll never forget those experiences at the barbershop.

Still, I would sometimes let others’ opinions sway me. I’d try to grow my hair out again, but it never gave me the same feeling as being bald. Over time, I realized that being bald wasn’t just about hair—it was about freedom, authenticity, and embracing who I truly am.

Encouragement

If you’re struggling with confidence in your hair choices, here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Be True to Yourself

   • Your hair is an expression of who you are, not who others expect you to be. Whether you want to go natural, rock braids, or shave it all off, make the decision for you.

2. Release the Opinions of Others

   • People will always have something to say, but their opinions don’t define your worth. Remember, you are the main character in your own story. Show up as yourself, unapologetically.

3. Experiment Without Guilt

   • It’s okay to try new things and change your mind. Whether you switch styles in a week or stick with one look for years, it’s all part of your journey.

4. Prioritize How You Feel

   • If you feel most confident bald, short, natural, or with extensions, lean into that. Confidence radiates when you feel good about yourself, no matter the style.

5. Find Your Support System

   • Surround yourself with people who encourage and uplift you. Whether it’s a stylist, barber, or close friends, having a community that celebrates your choices can make all the difference.

6. Live Freely

   • You have one life to live—make it yours. Your hair doesn’t define you; your heart, spirit, and authenticity do.

Your hair journey is a reflection of your life journey—full of twists, turns, and moments of self-discovery. Embrace it. Celebrate it. And remember, the best thing you can do is live authentically and boldly. You are enough, just as you are.